The homemaker conundrum

25 days to go..

Over the past few weeks, I had a chance to meet a few relatives, family friends and others. I came acros what is, perhaps, the last generation of people who have a decent percentage of homemakers. The very concept of having homemakers, the pros, the cons, the stigma and the benefits of it are debatable. The fact that Germany is fast realizing the trend of househusbands unleashed is food for thought. Generally, what does an average homemaker do everyday? ("Does she do anything?", chirps the chauvinist). That's the homemaker conundrum.

One of them, a proud mother of two children whose ages hover near the heavier side of 20's physically and mathematically, has been a homemaker for close to 25 years. With her husband gone to work for long hours, she tells me that having a television was the best thing that happened to her. She casually remarks that she just wants to have the TV left switched on irrespective of her watching it. She calls it her own company and tells me that it gives her a sense of security and calmness that everything is going well. She tells me of various instances where she would slip to sleep while watching TV, some people would see her sleeping and switch off the TV. What happened the minute the TV was switched off? She would immediately get up and lose all sleep.

Last week, I went to meet a family where the homemaker had taken up teaching school kids after they came back home. (For folks not from India, this might sound weird. But this is true! We go to school to learn. After coming back home, we'll go to a 'tuition' to learn what we learned in school.). She started teaching kids because she wanted a way to channelize her strengths for something noble.

What started as a hobby is now a full time work after 16 years. Her son joined a boarding school. What did she get in return? An opportunity to teach the friends from his former school. "I see each kid as my own kid!", she says. Her students know the house in and out, remind her to take food and medicines regularly and get nice gifts for their birthday.  What started as a hobby is a perfect  regimen for her.

What made them choose what they are doing is the puzzle. Let that stay in the Pandora's box for some more time.

The first book

32 days to go..

Circa 2008. 

Summers always start early and end early in Coimbatore. I had just finished one more year clueless of my existence. I chanced upon the book gathering dust somewhere in the nook of the shelf. 'Gora' by Rabindranath Tagore. Rupa Publications.

Thanks to being a poor reader, it took me an entire month to consume the book, consume the emotions and jump into a sea of characters. West Bengal has always been at the forefront of thinking forward compared to the rest of India. The book introduced the concept of soul-searching, self-contradiction and of being resolute to me. Set in the early 1900's, the topic of orthodoxy pitted against progressiveness was dealt with such subtlety. I could jump into the life of Gora, the protagonist and not know if I was truly progressive or truly orthodox. 

Over the years, I have wondered how enchanting it would have been to read the novel in its native language with the Rabindranath Tagore touch. The comparison, sadly, had to end there thanks to my absolute lack of proficiency in Bengali language. I have also come across some jigsaw puzzles from the ocean of journalists of how Tagore had been an absolute hypocrite when it comes to women empowerment. 

But it doesn't matter to me now what he was, as a person. It was in the summer of 2006, when, as a clueless kid, I visited Bangalore and a distant relative of mine offered me two books and told me, "Here, pick a book of your choice! You can have it!" 

I don't remember what was the other book (It had a picture of a train on its cover). My instincts were to take the book which had more pages. I picked Gora, then. To the distant relative whose name I don't remember anymore, thank you for introducing me to the world of books. 

“I've travelled the world twice over,

Met the famous; saints and sinners,

Poets and artists, kings and queens,

Old stars and hopeful beginners,

I've been where no-one's been before,

Learned secrets from writers and cooks

All with one library ticket

To the wonderful world of books.”

- Janice James

The central ambiguity.

33 days to go...

The story.

Once upon a time, there was a business who ran a business conglomerate. He was getting old and wanted to pass on his business acumen to his son and introduce him to the business clientèle. He came up with a plan- to arrange a business party. He told his son about the party and that he can invite a person, exactly one person, of his wish. 

The son chose to invite his friend. This friend was from an economically poor background. /On the day of the party, the son was looking forward to the party and his friend. Fifteen minutes before the party was set to begin, the friend walked in, poorly dressed. The son was startled and asked his friend why he was not in proper attire for the party. The poor friend told him that he had given his suit for laundry but that the laundryman had failed to deliver it on time.

And I break the question to the students- If you were the businessman's son, what will you do at that point? 

Most of them (read as 'Almost all') had an almost similar answer. While one student tells me that he will give the friend a new set suit, another tells me that he will allow him be a part of the party and that his attire doesn't matter. It is at that point that I will introduce my friend, Keyser Soze, to the class and give his answer- if I were the son, I would have asked him to get out of the place. If I were a diplomatic person, I might have done the same in a polite manner. (Oh, diplomacy is just going around in circles and circles. You will still be at the same starting point.)

And then I give them what the 'psychometric test' concludes:

Those who gave the friend a new suit, those who let the friend be a part of the party without bothering about the attire are people who are 'emotionally driven'. The folks who drive the person away from the party are those who are 'goal-driven'- the goal is to obtain familiarity with the clientèle in the business. 

One part of my work as a Verbal/Soft-skills trainer is over. Normally the class is filled with so much energy. The 'psychometric' test ensures that the individual energies are packed into one ensemble. The result is that I gain the attention of the class. 

Over tea with the fellow soft-skills trainers, we discussed the same question and the topic funnels down to a Goal-driven person. Just then, you want to introduce a new variable- Selfishness. 

The same story might have been used by one of the teachers in school to indicate a selfish person- one who is motivated by what he thinks will be beneficial for him. The kid who forgets that you should also jump into the not-so-fitting shoes of others and think about their side of the same story. We proceed to brand that kid as 'selfish'.

As we grow older (and forget what naivety of thought is), as we forget the art of questions, we are conveniently buying the idea of people being 'goal driven persons'. Suddenly, the imaginary appraisal forms in our minds give him the top rating.

Wasn't that kid who refused to offer you the extra pencil he had 'goal-driven' because his 'goal' was to ensure that he finished the exam without any hiccups on the stationery-front? Suddenly the most loathed kid of the school days has become the 'most focused and ambitious person' who will dream and achieve big. Why? The answer is blowin' in the wind.

Speaking about psychometric tests, take this and wonder what you did: 

http://higherperspectives.com/relational-psychology-test/